18

"I'm going to be unstoppable, so don't stop me."

Sometimes I think nothing's really changed since I've turned 18, "age is just a number" and all that jazz, and I'm still doing the exact same thing I've been doing since I was what, 6 years old? But then there are times where being 18 makes a huge difference. It reminds me since I've been deemed old enough by the law to have sex and drink and smoke and drive (but not at the same time... hopefully.), then I'm old enough to take responsibility for myself. If it matters enough to me, then I'm going to fight for it.

Like I don't feel shitty enough already
You're so unpleasant (and judgmental and hypocritical) sometimes

Fuck it's even not like I wasn't trying
I think the feeling I've been trying to approximate with words like 'upset' and 'angry' for the past three weeks is disappointment

Hedonism's out, masochism's in
'My thing is to work more than the others to show them how useless they are' - Karl Lagerfeld
(When Karl Lagerfeld starts being relevant to your life, you know shit's getting motherfucking serious)

Can't write in sentences more than 140 characters anymore (thanks Twitter)

Don't fuck up.

After last night, my black Zara dress will forever be known in my head as the one I spilled Kilkenny over.

I'm actually really enjoying this holiday. I'm mugging less than I did this time 2 years ago for Os (perhaps it's because I don't memorise as much anymore), which sort of scares me, but it has been filled with Doctor Who and movies (X-Men, Super 8, Wanted, Penelope), food and alcohol (BeerFest was crowded and epic, Jagermeister is horrendous) and studying outside to a decent level of productivity. Plus I got a new 64gb iPod, which is pretty exciting because I literally had no space left on my old 32gb one :> And a new pair of headphones! My old Sennheisers tore apart the last day of term. I bought them online, and they shipped from Sweden to Singapore in 4 days :) I'm also rediscovering my love for 90s UK boybands. I did lose all of my Westlife CDs though, which is saddening. Probably going to buy them all over again (sigh)

I also found new mugging motivation today, apart from the gorgeous weather. All of this will be worth it when I make enough money to buy a Leica C:

Went to Crystal's house today. Reminisced fondly of our incredible Sec 4 days (the longer I am in Raffles the more I forget exactly how much I enjoyed my Sec 4 year. I'm imagining the classroom on the second floor, away from all of the other Sec 4 classes and how the sunlight looked so pretty around 9am in the morning after Math lesson, Lit/perving sessions with Abii, imploring Brenda to walk slightly slower, obsessing over Trek and ZQ and Pine and male models with Crystal), printed pictures of hot men to stick in chicken book, played music (it's nice how letting someone listen to songs I've loved and gotten bored of helps me appreciate them as if it's my first time listening to them again, even if Crystal wasn't particularly fond of them haha :3) listened to Crystal play piano (always feel really lucky to have her play for me alone~ ;), walked in the hot sun to get lunch, tried to watch Stargate on a laser disc and failed, watched Crystal play Portal then had waffles to end the day.

I feel so lighthearted and loved right now :)

Whatever the outcome of the GE tomorrow, I will be glad that my friends and classmates have proven that they are not politically apathetic and that they care what happens to Singapore - even though I disagree with change for change's sake, but at least there's discussion about politics, which can only serve to make our government better. Joy was saying she was so worried about how people are going to vote and how the government will continue being effective that she thinks we should consider going into the public service ourselves. Rachel and Florence were saying that today was the first time they've discussed politics for more than 5 minutes with people.

Stories of George Yeo helping his GRC's residents; Chiam See Tong continuing with politics and going around meeting residents even after his stroke; MM Lee's support for his party despite the death of his wife only a few short months ago; PM Lee's fb chat; WP's 33 page and incredibly dense manifesto which you know could only stem from examining PAP's policies and discussing them and thinking of alternate solutions to existing problems (even if I don't agree with some of them).

I may not have liked listening to angry people slam the PAP at rallies (they're not perfect and will never be, but they're good and I'm happy with that) but people have proven that they care, and I don't think we can ask for anything more for our country.

PAP was just making the rounds at my estate, which is sort of exciting, even though I have pictures with Inderjit Singh from my kindergarten days. AMK GRC is apparently not one of the more interesting contests in this election (there aren't even any Reform Party posters up around my neighbourhood), can't imagine how exciting it would be to live in Aljunied GRC!

People keep going on about PAP's scare tactics but I don't even need PAP to be absolutely terrified of people voting for the opposition parties just "for a change". Went to the Workers' Party rally last night and they're completely rhetoric and no substance. Met Joy there and she said they made no sense, but were strangely compelling. She told me that people just want their problems heard but I don't see how pointing out the rising standard of living without coming up with a concrete plan to correct it does anyone any favours. Furthermore, it's not like Singapore produces its own food or fuel so I don't see how PAP has very much to do with inflation.

WP also said PAP was too profit-driven. In a capitalist economy? I'm shocked, to be honest!

Joy says it's because we're not poor that we don't feel the pinch, which is a valid point, but I don't see how the opposition has anything to offer, rather than to "provide a check and balance" against the PAP bullies. Which, I feel, is kind of bullshit because the democratic ideal of 2 parties could go against us and make the government far less effective.

Can't believe some people I know, who are actually old enough to vote, think the elections are boring. And how some others feel corruption and bribery would be good because he would make more money................. Really don't know how to express my incredulity.


Someone pointed out Pinto can't possibly exist because CPine donated blood before and gay people can't donate blood. Which is bloody genius, really. Ah well, ZQ can date Jon Groff all he wants. They do kind of make a gross couple though (I realise this is sort of an unpopular opinion, judging from Tumblr reactions), Jon Groff both looks like a cabbage patch kid and Lea Michele simultaneously. Colton Haynes was far better looking, even though he WAS jailbait


Spent Saturday with the vamp coven :) Went for Marche and Crystal's piano recital. Being around Raffles people makes me constantly rethink what/how much I'm eating (I've honestly gotten "glutton" in response to how much I'm eating twice, from different people) and I know some classmates who are flipping ridiculously and who only think the Victoria's Secret beauty ideal is appreciable and who dismiss curves. So it was refreshing for people to question my food intake + support me in getting desert :) Really do miss my SN friends, I never feel so loved in school ♥

Abii and I have spent the 2 days discussing our views on relationships and we came to the conclusion we'd probably be in a relationship if we were less straight or if one of us were a guy. It's refreshing to talk to someone who just gets your point of view :)


(Probably a post with the weirdest amalgamation (!) of things I could possibly throw together. I just have varied interests okay)

The gravity of a problem is inversely proportional to the hour of the day

Because some days are better than others. Because sometimes communciation is painful and exhausting and the best thing to happen in a day is bedhead Quints.

I'm getting bored with new CDs at far too quick a rate. Just bought Flying Club Cups by Beirut yesterday (which is amazing btw) and I already feel like buying the A Single Man soundtrack.

Yesterday was phenomenal though. H3 finals in the morning, lunch + Source Code with Azira (Source Code was amazing amazing amazing; Jake Gyllenhaal is a wonderful actor. Not to mention completely and utterly gorgeous. Love and Other Drugs was incredibly disappointing, on the other hand (watched it with Ahmed in school on Thursday HAHA), aside from naked Jake running around........), Kenny Rogers with the family for dinner. Bought the cutest Gap non-plastic shopping bag with an elephant on it :3

Reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman now and it is reads perfectly, I kind of want to stay up all night reading it and ignoring my H2 tutorials (haven't done since before CT1s hahaha) and the Physics lecture test on Thursday :3

I don't feel like doing my homework... Must be because of my migraine. Yes, that must be it.

Brb going out to buy some CDs :) I think I'm going to get something by Beirut and Ray LaMontagne heehee

Losing your shit doesn't give you credibility.

It just makes you an embarrassment.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.

Saw this on Tumblr about K/S but got reminded of Chem, which was completely and utterly a fiasco.

The worst thing about having a Blackberry is that my heart races when I get a new e-mail, hoping that it'll be from DSTA scholarship (sigh). Plus e-mail ringtone is the sound the transporter makes so it's actually quite frightening

I think I'm oddly happy considering I have no life now. I want to read something other than TIME magazine (Everything Is Illuminated, Children Playing Before A Statue of Hercules, American Gods, Bad Omens and Pato Alto are all among the pile of books I own and haven't gotten around to reading). I want to play something on guitar that's not Handel or Gloria Estefan. I want to learn things that don't involve magnets or carboncations.

It has never been this hard to make myself get down to work. I think I would gladly study if I could just have half of the day to myself without having to run all over Singapore to fufill committments. I never realised how much I treasured my ~alone time.

Plus I'm running out of CDs to listen to and I have a lot more to study. I'm far far behind how much I should have already revised for CTs, yet I'm not concerned.

(Sigh) Still oddly content though. Maybe its because I'm getting enough sleep :) Although I could probably do more things if I slept less but I'm far happier this way heehee

Because everything goes wrong at the same time

Trying to make amends
Got shouted at because taking out your frustrations on someone is a very mature way to deal
Got made fun of by a friend (whom, I'm starting to realise, can be truly awful) in a mean-spirited manner
Feeling slightly ignored (which, in addition to making me feel sort of crappy, is magnifying my guilt)
And exceedingly unproductive
And worried & slightly stressed out over my academics
Might be setting myself up for disappointment (hope won't let me use "definitely" here)
Valentine's Day is coming up and I won't be able to hug most of the people I want to hug and tell them how much they mean to me

My usage of English here is most unlike me, but forming proper sentences would cause me to say too much, I think
(No periods, will capitalization do?)

According to The Economist, feeling bad is a sort of self-imposed repentance for what we think we've done wrong
But I've also heard we shouldn't go to bed angry
Yet I'm bucketsful of guilty and indignant right now

Tomorrow is a new day

(If I send Valentines by mail tomorrow will they get to their destinations by Monday?)

CNY was awesome (as it always is each year) -- my grandma's soup, ang paos, oranges, pineapple tarts (I think between me Ber Ber and Beatrice we finished 6 tubs) and a break from school. Crystal introduced me to the Vampire Diaries, so I spent the weekend finishing the entire season.

I'm also having a lot of fun at my H3, I don't even really care that Linear Algebra isn't as difficult as Physics IV and that I have to spend a lot of money and time getting to NUS, I find it very interesting and fun to do :) Hope I still enjoy it as much when it starts getting difficult

Tried to watch Love and Other Drugs yesterday, failed miserably. Cinelesiure sucks, their genius way of checking your ID practically forces you into paying for a movie you have no intention of ever watching. Hereafter was I think, the worst movie I've ever had the misfortune to sit through. It was so incredibly cliche (especially since the last movie I watched was The Fighter -- raw and heartfelt and nuanced at every turn and Bale was so incredibly good) and Matt Damon grew fat ):

But it always nice to spend time with Abii :) Marche (again) and gossip go well together, I think.