I have decided I should attempt to actually talk about something someone would actually care about instead of being incredibly self-centred (I mean, I really do basically treat this as my diary, minus any personal thoughts/opinions) or posting pictures of nice-looking people :) Although those two are kind of the polar opposites of each other (yes obviously I think sharing pictures of nice-looking people is a kind thing to do)

Today was sort of odd.

(It's been so long since I've said something note-worthy on this blog that has more than a 0.0005% chance someone might talk about in real life that I feel quite self-conscious just even considering saying (typing?) this. But I think it will be a good exercise.)

First I found out that my (completely and utterly made-up) scandal is a lot more well-known than I think it is. It's hard not to be aloof about it when somebody brings it up because there honestly isn't anything going on despite the fact that I can kind of understand why people might think this way.

I was confident that the "oh boys and girls can't just be friends" thing wouldn't apply to us but apparently, I'm wrong. I think it's because I get raunchier the closer I get to someone. Like after I talk about porn, even statements that were intended to be innocuous (for example, "Eh are you very hot?" referring to the temperature) could be taken to mean something dirtier, even if I can't think of anyone who would be so forward.

I probably shouldn't assume a male friend will react the same way to my vaguely dirty/outrightly dirty comments the same way I expect my female friends to (sigh) If I try to cut out all the sexual comments from my conversations then I don't really have very much else to say.

I don't know for sure, but in my opinion becoming dirtier is better than becoming meaner with increasing familiarity. Joy says I at least seem to be capable of comprehension of someone else's feelings, even if I don't particularly care for them. I like to think I care more about someone the closer I become to them.

Then someone I didn't (and still don't) know who happened to sit in the seat next to mine at the computer lab called me pretty while I was hunched up and being all >:( over a computer typing out interview questions right before PW. I think the novelty of being found to be attractive by someone has worn off already. Maybe because it's never the person I want to hear say that saying that.

Let's not even add Math into the equation. But I didn't even stay sad about Math for very long, maybe 20 minutes. I think I'm just not cut out to be sad. Unless I'm feeling guilty, then that feeling persists for-fucking-ever (infixes are for emphasis)

But forever is roughly a day in my world. Maybe I should say the intensity of the guilt is shocking instead, that's more accurate.

I guess there really isn't a point to this post. I just need to ramble on a bit, save Crystal from the weird introspection and it's not really something I can talk to Joy about anyway (even if she's the best person to get all oddly reflective with).