Hello world, friends and stalkers/creepers. No, no, this isn't Belinda posting. This is actually her beloved little sister Bernice. Now, as we all know, Belinda is an extremely eligible young lady. She is very well-rounded, excelling in academics, co-cirricular activities and inter-personal relationships. Although foul-mouthed at times (e.g. she often tells me "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"), she is arguably still beautiful both inside and out.

I am sure that there are many random creepy people out there crying into their pillows every night, devastated that she, what with her exasperating - albeit adorable - obliviousness, does not notice them at all. As such, I have, very ingeniously, come up with the perfect plan for all you creepers to express your love for Belinda and make her cognizant of your exsistence! Jump for joy! Oh, happy day!

My proposal is simple, straightforward, effective, and relatively fuss-free. I propose...

COLLECTING RESUMES!

We shall collect resumes from all you people secretly in love with her. So, everyone reading this, take a deep breath, steady the heart threatening to beat right out of your chest, and please take careful note of the format we expect the resume to be in.

SECTION A

NAME: _______________________________

HEIGHT: _____cm

WEIGHT: ___ kg

PSLE T-Score: __________

O-Level L1R5 (state the GPA you graduated with if you did not take part in the JAE exercise): ____

HOBBIES (please circle): Internet Porn/Sports*/Baking/Gardening/Others* (those denoted with an asterik* require explanation. Please specify.)

AMBITIONS/GOALS: ___________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

SECTION B

Rank the following people based on ATTRACTIVENESS

1. Christian Bale
2. Lara Stone
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Jonas Kessler
5. Adrian Pasdar
6. Lars Burmeister
7. Jessica Stam
8. Megan Fox

ANSWER (fill in the blanks with the respective numerical values, in descending order of attractiveness): ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___.

Rank the following people based on AWESOMENESS

1. George Harrison
2. Joey Ramone
3. Me (Belinda Chin)
4. Pete Townshend
5. David Sedaris
6. Roger Daltrey
7. Zachary Quinto
8. Keith Moon
9. Ringo Starr
10. Matthew Mitcham

ANSWER (fill in the blanks with the respective numerical values, in descending order of awesomeness): ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___, ___.

BONUS QUESTION

How much money would you inherit should your wealthiest relative pass away? (Please circle/delete where appropriate) _______k/m/b

Please send your resumes to ijustwonreally@hotmail.com and cc to istuckthatprimo@hotmail.com

Also, do attach the most attractive picture of yourself along with the email. Please also note that there actually is a model answer to the questions posed.

Thank you! I hope all you people who are unconditionally and irrevocably in love with my darling elder sister now see a glimmer of hope in your sad, stalkery lives! (:

--Bernice

P.S. THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A JOKE. PLEASE DON'T ACTUALLY SEND THE EMAIL. IF YOU LEGIT THOUGHT THIS WAS LEGIT, GO SEE A LOVE THERAPIST OR SOMETHING. OR JUST TALK TO HER (Belinda) IN REAL LIFE. Idk juz a suggestion lolz.

P.P.S. If you don't understand the ~joke~ in all of this, go watch this.

P.P.P.S. If you don't understand, you obviously aren't close enough to her (Belinda) and shouldn't be reading this anyways! Shoo you creepy thing! Tsk tsk tsk.

P.P.P.P.S. Vampire coven are more than welcome to actually partake though. AHAHAHAHAA.